Drinking the unknown

The main thing that's wrong with this country is that our flag is made with the colors red, white, and blue. This is an attack on our children's education, as the three primary colors are red, yellow, and blue. Our children are growing up thinking white is one of the most important colors, when really, white is just the absence of color. Of course if they have a really, really old flag, they might be on the right track. So I guess I can let that one slide.

But the next-worst thing that's wrong with this country is the blatant disregard for health--human, and otherwise--in lawmaking. Now I'd never run for any type of office (but if enough of you start calling for it, we'll talk. I've got a campaign manager and a spokesperson lined up), but I'd like to think that I, or any other kid with an over-sized ego would get into politics to make things better for people. Part of this would be protecting the public.

Why am I blasting the man like this? See, I just drank a Rockstar sugar free energy drink, and I want to know what I'm drinking.

Since I didn't spend much time in the laboratories (say it like the Brits do, it's more fun), I can't really build one, so I'd appreciate it if the government started a program to test drugs, food, and other consumables. I'd love to trust those companies, but I don't even know who they are, so it's kinda hard to trust them. If I can suggest a name for this government group, I'd call it the Food and Drug Administration.

I just googled that name to see if it was already taken and it turns out The FDA was established in 1906 with the passage of the Food and Drug Act after previously being called the Buerau of Chemistry. I'll bet they have some pretty good labs. Thanks Teddy Roosevelt. You're def in the top 10 presidents--chemistry wise. Bottom 10? Bill Clinton. I know it's a suprise, but remember, this is on the scale of "how healthy for the human body your laws were." On other scales, he's way up there. Saxophone ability: top 3, Hair style impressiveness with age: top 10 (hello Taft!), and Legendary Partiers: #2 (second only to Bush-The Sequel. I'm afraid if we get a Clinton sequel, we won't get another legendary partier, though. She's gonna be #1 on the bitter triginometry teacher scale).

Ok, enough beating around the W. What did Slick Willie do that was so bad? How could any modern age president be bottom 10 at anything? (OK - bad question).

Clinton's administration was responsible signing into law the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994. D'Shea for short (Pretend it's the name of a really bad early 90's R&B artist with a hit song titled "When Time Is Love." That will help establish negative connotations).

D'Shea states that instead of passing FDA tests, dietary supplements only needed safety approval from one entity--the company selling the "supplement." Teddy would roll in his grave!

I can only consider the serious tests the Austrian company that produces Red Bull runs on their drink, which originated in Thailand. The scene opens in one of those stale cop movie questioning rooms with one light hanging from the ceiling. There are two men in suits, on the other side of the thick, grey table, one cash strapped Austrian college student. He sips, they observe, he gags, bud doesn't throw up, they check the box next to "OK."

So after I finished my Rockstar Sugar Free drink, I checked to see what was in it. 10 calories per serving, check. 0 carbs, check. Protein? Fat? No mention. The 10 calories had to come from somewhere, but I can't find them. Not on the can, not on their website, and no other third party lists that information.

An e-mail to Rockstar, Inc. was not returned after five days.

Throwback

I just spent some time looking at an old website of mine I made while I was in college. I'm going to forgo cleverly writing a throwback entry in the style of the "blog" I kept back then. It would be so boring it would instantly inject ADD into your veins. Speaking of which, can you catch ADD? I know I never had it. Well I don't think so. My roommate has it. He also has X-Box 360, a nearly-full box of Corn Puffs, and Sperry Topsiders. I think the Topsiders make him look old, but distinguished. I assume the box of Corn Puffs won't be full for much longer. There are also lots of clothes on my bed. Whoa. Where am I?

Well I think I'm going to a party tonight, which should be really exciting. And I guess there's not really much to write about. My buddies Dan and Keeler are in Africa. I'm excited for them. But mostly jealous. I also burned the new Britney CD and am completely losing track of any semblance of cohesion in my writing. The Wild won the other night. Fun. Please continue to read this blog after this post. Or don't. Your call, really. Free will. It's what makes us humans. I'm getting a call, gotta go.

Spay and neuter your pets.

X-box hook ups

Never have video games worked so smoothly for me. I was playing X-Box live this weekend. Sure my roomie (who owns the system) was there, but we prefer switching off playing Live fullscreen instead of two-player split screen (Half a screen? I need a full television of destruction all for myself!).

Anyways, a lady friend of mine was hanging out with us while I was pwning those n00bs. When she got bored watching--she's not much of a voyeur--miss congeniality grabbed the headset from me and broadcast that Dbolt44 was in fact a female playing among the men. Now you've got to undestand, this is much like some boys club where everyone is content with status quo, but when estrogen enters the room, nothing else matters. Like a poker night. Or a sausage party. My teammates perked up and started chatting immediately.

Of course I only heard one side of the convo. Here's what my swiss cheese memory recalls:

"Hi, what's your name? ...
We just got back from the bars ...
You too? How old are you? ...
Where are you from? ...
Montreal?! Ooooh, you speak French!!!"

(she throws a couple French phrases out, and then it comes...)

"Are you on Facebook?"

In a matter of about 5 minutes, she was invited to Montreal to "play." I assume he's not planning on turning on multiplayer Call of Duty 4 with her, I mean, split screen just sucks.

Endorsing...

Now that Super Tuesday has come and gone and everyone has had their say, I think it's finally time for this great blog to endorse a candidate. No more lollygagging, waffling, flip flopping or panel tamping. This is serious business.

I think it's finally safe to pick a candidate that many other people agree with so I don't seem like I'm out of touch when that candidate loses early in the primary process, cause that would just ruin Driving with Rope's credibility.

Therefore, I can say with great conviction that Driving with Rope will now endorse Al Gore.

What's that? He isn't even running? No, I'm sure I saw him winning in the primaries, or at least he was always on the TV screen. Oh. That was the history chanel? I didn't have the volume up. Lay off me. I'm starving.

Screw it. Vote for Bon Jovi.

Checkin it twice

I have a seriously important decision ahead of me. My birthday is coming up and I need to decide what to do with it. Life or Death, really. I kind of feel like it's a similar feeling to the pre-New Year's Eve anxiety.

"Oh man, this party is gonna be great...well at least I expect it to be. I mean, it better be. It only happens once a year. No do-overs, so this party better be the best. Wait... what am I even gonna do?"

So it's time to plan. I'll start with lists. Lists of bars, lists of activities, lists of people, lists of drinks (I WON'T drink anything with the word "fire" in the title, I NEED to drink something with Red Bull). Maybe I should just have a list party.

"Everyone, come to my house Saturday, we're going to make lists. No, no, trust me. I've already made 563 lists this week, it's fun. The party will be fun. It HAS to be fun, it only comes once a year."

Got it. I'll use the self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of worrying about it NOT being fun (which in turn, will make it suck), I'll just worry about it being TOO fun.

"Dude, check it out, Dustin made a list about the best dinosaurs. This party rocks. Pass me a jag bomb, it's on my 'yes' list. You! Get out! You're not on the list!!"

I'm excited.

No, it's a cardigan--

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And now, to explain the title of this post, a joke:

A blonde is driving 80 in a 55 mph zone. She zooms right through a speed trap and a police car pulls out after her. He turns the lights on, the siren, nothing stops her. He pulls up beside her and yells "pull over!" The blonde says "no, it's a cardigan!"

Burgers and Burgers

So I ate at The Nook by Cretin the other day. It was a dissapointment--because I couldn't eat more burger after I finished mine. The Nook has probably the best burger in the city (definitely top five). Read my assessment on Minneapolis Metblogs.