Drinking the unknown

The main thing that's wrong with this country is that our flag is made with the colors red, white, and blue. This is an attack on our children's education, as the three primary colors are red, yellow, and blue. Our children are growing up thinking white is one of the most important colors, when really, white is just the absence of color. Of course if they have a really, really old flag, they might be on the right track. So I guess I can let that one slide.

But the next-worst thing that's wrong with this country is the blatant disregard for health--human, and otherwise--in lawmaking. Now I'd never run for any type of office (but if enough of you start calling for it, we'll talk. I've got a campaign manager and a spokesperson lined up), but I'd like to think that I, or any other kid with an over-sized ego would get into politics to make things better for people. Part of this would be protecting the public.

Why am I blasting the man like this? See, I just drank a Rockstar sugar free energy drink, and I want to know what I'm drinking.

Since I didn't spend much time in the laboratories (say it like the Brits do, it's more fun), I can't really build one, so I'd appreciate it if the government started a program to test drugs, food, and other consumables. I'd love to trust those companies, but I don't even know who they are, so it's kinda hard to trust them. If I can suggest a name for this government group, I'd call it the Food and Drug Administration.

I just googled that name to see if it was already taken and it turns out The FDA was established in 1906 with the passage of the Food and Drug Act after previously being called the Buerau of Chemistry. I'll bet they have some pretty good labs. Thanks Teddy Roosevelt. You're def in the top 10 presidents--chemistry wise. Bottom 10? Bill Clinton. I know it's a suprise, but remember, this is on the scale of "how healthy for the human body your laws were." On other scales, he's way up there. Saxophone ability: top 3, Hair style impressiveness with age: top 10 (hello Taft!), and Legendary Partiers: #2 (second only to Bush-The Sequel. I'm afraid if we get a Clinton sequel, we won't get another legendary partier, though. She's gonna be #1 on the bitter triginometry teacher scale).

Ok, enough beating around the W. What did Slick Willie do that was so bad? How could any modern age president be bottom 10 at anything? (OK - bad question).

Clinton's administration was responsible signing into law the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994. D'Shea for short (Pretend it's the name of a really bad early 90's R&B artist with a hit song titled "When Time Is Love." That will help establish negative connotations).

D'Shea states that instead of passing FDA tests, dietary supplements only needed safety approval from one entity--the company selling the "supplement." Teddy would roll in his grave!

I can only consider the serious tests the Austrian company that produces Red Bull runs on their drink, which originated in Thailand. The scene opens in one of those stale cop movie questioning rooms with one light hanging from the ceiling. There are two men in suits, on the other side of the thick, grey table, one cash strapped Austrian college student. He sips, they observe, he gags, bud doesn't throw up, they check the box next to "OK."

So after I finished my Rockstar Sugar Free drink, I checked to see what was in it. 10 calories per serving, check. 0 carbs, check. Protein? Fat? No mention. The 10 calories had to come from somewhere, but I can't find them. Not on the can, not on their website, and no other third party lists that information.

An e-mail to Rockstar, Inc. was not returned after five days.